Happiness and Comfort Zone

Happiness: Treasure of Life?

Maybe some happiness is just some beginner’s luck. It’s not even a linear or a continuum line. Maybe it is fully origin from probability. Happiness is also a bit of riddle. It’s not always a person, place, or thing. Plus, you can’t tag it like some photographs on your social network thingy. So I discover it is like a riddle, a puzzle, a mashed-personality battle, and a treasure of life (what i point here is you need to breath it, bless it, not just tag it as one of your attribute. It's not a thing after all haha..).

If you are true to yourself, chances are you’ll discover a happiness that works for you. You’re a hard working person? Happiness is on your finger. You’re a dreamer? Definitely happiness is hiding on your ceiling. Imagine, catch it before the stars are all closed, and then blink. Soon Ginny will take you on a whole new world trip. In other words, happiness works differently for every person, we're all aware of that. But I’m hoping for a another way. And a place to stay.

The Discomfort Zone

Life isn’t a song or a script of melodrama TV show. You’re not in love with the whim of a God or a cupid’s confetti shower. You choose to be happy and strive for it. Two of my best friends are having problems with comfort zone. They tend to loosen appetite for what they’d hold. And yet, today they uttered me it was a pleasant moment for them to rearrange their priority when the comfort zone has already became the discomfort zone. Sometimes we need to be less self-consciousness or anyway you get too sentimental and your nerve breakdown.

When something extraordinary happened, when your heart’s getting crushed, when your leg won’t tolerance of pain, when you are care free with life, when your head is sore to the max you can't even breath. There comes these minutes when you are conscious that what’s happened before is not the real story. Well, if you like to know the real story, it is the one ahead of you. It is still in the lead of a railway path of your future life. Perhaps lies in your second chance choices.

Cutting The Knot

It was a hippie moment for me when the need of a twenty-five-years-old ally seemed to mirror my own. As if to make clear that she understood me to the core. She thinks that it felt weird to get back to the miss-you-miss-me circumstance. Sometimes it was more like empty and edgy. Nevertheless, accumulation of our chaotic evaluation about the hormonal (yet bleak) episodes in life deal a result. We’re getting pissy! and relationship isn’t what it used to be anymore.

In the contrary, the whole survival guide ever created didn’t help much if misery knocking at my poor hollow heart. The hardest.. I couldn’t imagine never smelling him again.

It’s Time You Saw What I Want You to See

Why don’t you fill the basket with things you want and I’ll go to the other side of the town avoiding you. Maybe I’ll be gone to another country for a while just learn how to fly. Maybe you can join me fishing if you think the water is fine, in day, month, or year. I won’t hold you for nothing. I’m all that. And I won’t refuse to take you for real. You are just the way you are. Soon, when we are feeling better and get what we found, maybe we can share a table and cherished the life with its new point of view.


I probably end up a drifter and lonely. But I'm still hoping for a change of heart. And a place to start.



Thank you Monster of Folk, my partner, and bestfriends.

Night Walker

There was hardly a night of April's moon when the heat could rise and the rain waiting at sundown. In search of a promising night, I took my sweater and sandal with solemn attitude. The night was fine it could brought me some scents from my jasmine tree that the wind always stirred. Now I thought of the journey with a new excitement, for how, if one shared the night and should be then easily discover the glimpse of their future in an instant.

He picked me up and we were melting into rows of cars. I felt glad by his presence and began daydreaming about interpreting someone's dreams could lead to a better understanding about person's wishes and fears. For me, relationship was merely another chain, a chain likewise sick and committed. A burden for my existence of being. I saw a lot of people making couple for their self. I thought there's no surge for me, I have my own needs of love and belonging and it's already surrounded me. Instead, later on the road, we have it on our way.

Troubles came down, I could only hoping for the bright sides of it. I stepped out from the vehicle. A deep hole had opened up before me and I didn't want to fall. What was down there? if it's not my problems I would jumped it over and ran to my own liberty. I separated my self from the black mud that covered all around.

I looked up and saw that sky seemed so far away, and nothing I could stand on would make me able to touch it with my fingertips. Suddenly I thought, if only I could walk away for miles or drive my pedal to the max on somewhere highway, maybe i could get out of this.

Usually I walked for a long time. I'm a night walker, the fast one, for real, but maybe not as fast as the triathlon athlete. When my heart felt as if they would drop off, I had to keep on moving. I must have held my heart's beat in constant rhythm. The threshold of my adrenalin was higher than other instant. The adrenalin must remain high to supply the serotonin into my vein. It would help my mind bright as the clearest reef water.

Hence, I keep walked for hours, enhance the speed. The sweats rushed inside my sweater, and I was lucky because I couldn’t cry. I entered the road of strangers, hundreds of people mocking at me. That night, I was Jesus of Suburbia because the city I lived in has not any glance of Nazareth. Young people seducing me, old people confronting while I wore the thorny crown above my head.

Two cats was fighting nearby the drain with its stinky water. They roared and made flesh creep, hairs stood on the neck. The street was dark and frightening. Suddenly the female cat wailed like the devil’s howl out from the pavement womb.

This is the wilderness of conviction. I walked some more without knowing distance. I only knew that I passed through drizzle rain, dust, neon lights, and darkness of my own acid. I was never thirsty and felt no pain. Staring at the horizon I could merely made a joke for my self, I said, "Maybe the sky has so many hole made by the woodpecker and from the back there's a hunter with his flashlight, and it makes the stars blink," and I laughed.

I thought, my house is merely few steps ahead. I would find my bed with my cool thick blanket, and in the kitchen, I would find my mother making me a pie, and I would find my family laughter spread among the living room. I felt very sad so I sat down on my terrace. I felt so sad that I rested my head on my own knees and smoothed my own head. I felt so sad I couldn't imagine feeling any other way gain.

I said to my self, I don't like this. I don't want to do it anymore. And I went back into my stairs to lying in bed, just before the stream flooded.

Edit Blues is My Middle Name

Polished nails, looked too polite, but those fingers still can make a stream on her guitar. Let the blues riff flows. Since blues is my middle name, said Ray Charles on her ear.

"Break their silence, let me in!" ,said her guts.
 
Her memories lubricated by light. We endeavor to recall the days before the monkey went to heaven. When the Adam's descendant struggle over Eve's guilt. It was long and indeed long time according human time. She sip another savor of martini. Ohh conscience, pleasure to meet you again old friends.

I'm slightly nerdy, slightly tough. Yet, definitely blushing on how the conversation went or something. How could I miss out on that? Moscato and the bubbles spinning on the glass. Almost like all the images linger in my head.

And I find the very mention of you. I'm not mistreated just the same, even if blues is my middle name. Chuckle

*Inspired by "Blues is My Middle Name", Ray charles

Fullness Left Behind

They say certain order exist in chaos. Maybe it’s a repercussion for my addiction to relationship. When two people break up and make their own path, things should go back to ground zero. But, that’s not what happened right now. It’s painful to end something with someone. My parents, they’re not a strangers for him. I don’t know how to handle them. So many unexpected impact following the break ups. Fullness left behind after a long waiting.

I’m really going nuts. So don’t make a scene about me lying regarding my state. I don’t think any of this fair to my parents. I must be feeling the pressure. Yes, I think I’m getting strange. I’m turning into you. My word’s gotten harsh. We’re different in values. A cliché to make excuse for an end. Maybe I dumped you because of my pride. Perhaps you did exactly the same thing to me. Otherwise we're just two foolish people, instead of two fine people.

If i'm talking too much about my parents, maybe it's my true color which had something to be overboard. Maybe indeed i'm the only one who felt unsecured and discontented. My parents is just the other persona.

I’m waiting for you to end this pain. And you ask me about where to lunch? Chuckle.